Boundaries: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em


I wrote a couple of weeks ago about closing the gap between your head and your heart, and one of the ways an imbalance in this appears is in your boundaries. Either your boundaries are too strong, not allowing for any flexibility, or they’re non-existent and people walk all over you.

When your head is in charge you are anxious. When your heart is running the show you get stuck in an emotion, love indiscriminately, have a lack of boundaries in relationships, tolerate too much from others to the point of neglecting your own emotional self-care, you accept others without discernment, lose your sense of identity, give without restraint, have the disease to please, and are codependent.

All of this leaves you feeling imbalanced, and to the extent that your feel out of balance in your inner world, you won’t let yourself fulfill your desires in the outer world. Whether you’re a stone wall or a human doormat, it all stems from three main beliefs. Those are: “I’m not good enough;” “I don’t matter;” and, “There is something wrong with me.” There are other variations on this song, like: “Nobody likes me;” “I’m flawed;” and, “I’m not enough.” These three beliefs can show up as feeling resentment, victimization, despair, shame, guilt, and regret, or any of their variations.

Does this sound familiar? How have these thoughts and feelings directly caused you to tighten or loosen your boundaries?

These are all stories you tell yourself, but are they true? Every time you see yourself through the guises of these stories, you are committing a violation of your Self. And for those of you who are spiritual and/or religious, the issue of taking responsibility has become a new form of self-abuse. It makes you think that if you’re responsible for your own reality, then clearly this is all your fault. You create a pattern of continually sabotage your efforts toward success and happiness in order to hold on to your resentment and keep those stories alive.

Your personal stories often become your excuse for not being your truest self. However, when you live in your integrity, you release enormous amounts of energy that can serve your daily life. Once you start to step out of this inner world of blame and shame, your stories will stop playing themselves out. The energy of these types of thoughts and the energy of your true self are complete opposites, and you can’t be in both places at the same time.

So where do you want to be?

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